Thursday, 13 December 2012


A revenge movie from the genre nothing unusual about this.

Kurt and Eric Sloane travel to Bangkok to find new challenges for Eric's world kickboxing championship as he has defeated every challenger that has faced him and decides to search out new opponents in the country where Kickboxing was invented (at this point I would like to point out in Bangkok the main martial art is Muay Thai), Whilst there Eric challenges Tong Po, a ruthless man, and that countries Champion to fight, Kurt see's Tong Po's power when he is kicking a cement pillar and tries to talk Eric out of it but he refuses, the fight goes ahead Eric is beaten badly and not just happy with victory Tong Po cripples Eric, a man called Winston who was watching the fights helps Kurt take Eric to hospital after the people who organize the fights shows no compassion, the person who organised it is a man called Freddy Lee and is also Tong Po's manager.

Kurt is outraged and wants revenge for his brother, Winston who is initially unwilling to help tells of a man who may be will to train him as Kurt's own task of finding places to train is ridiculed by local gym's, he takes him to Xian an eccentric man who is apparently an expert teacher but has long since retired, after listening to Kurt's story he tells him to go and get food so he can make his decision on a full stomach, in the local village he meets Mylee, Xian's niece, who gives him food to take he also beats up 2 of the local toughs who are henchmen for Freddy Lee's protection racket she sends him angrily back to her uncle and it seems Xian will train him.

So we get a lot of training and showing gradual improvement (gotta have a montage), Eric is also released from hospital although now confined to a wheelchair, After a drunk bar brawl instigated by Xian he persuades Freddy Lee to put Kurt in a proper fight which he easily wins and gets his wish of Tong Po.

Now there is plenty of film still to review but i will let you, humble reader make your opinions, why do I like this film I hear ask, well I wonder myself, the acting is terrible its really wooden, the scenario has been played out a million times in the past and it is awfully cliched so I cant tell you why, I just do, the positive that it has got going for it is JCVD, Dennis Alexio and Michel Qissi who are all bonafide martial artists and that makes for good fight scenes.

Monday, 3 December 2012

The Martins

A Lee Evans comedy has to be hit, right ?

Rob Martin lives with his "Chav" family, he is a out of work competition addicted dole scrounger, son Rob Jr a underachieving 11 year old, his 14 year old pregnant daughter, his wife Kat who holds the family together and an across the road mother in law.

Rob is depressed with life seeing what others have and feeling a failure for his family however he gets a glimmer of happiness when he is told he is in the running for a all expenses paid holiday to the Isle of Man, however when he is told he hasn't won it he flips and goes to the newspaper who ran the competition with a gun he is "keeping" for a gangster friend he gets him to tell him who won the holiday and steals the holiday, the wife of the gangster who he is keeping the gun for wants it as he has been waving it all over town drawing a lot of unnecessary attention from the police, he rounds up his family and lies to them he has won the competition, on the way to the holiday destination it is revealed he has had a affair with the gangsters wife from his mother in law and his wife wants to the end the marriage after the holiday.

Nope it was awful, not good at all Lee Evans needs to stop too what he is good at and that's stand up.

Saturday, 24 November 2012

The Dark Knight Rises

The final film in Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy.

CIA agents are escorting a nuclear scientist and three hooded prisoners, when the CIA learn that the 3 prisoners worked for notorious villain Bane they try and interrogate them, but one of them turns out to be Bane and that they want the scientist, during a daring mid-air rescue they manage to acquire him, we then go to Gotham they are celebrating Harvey Dent day and Commissioner Gordon has a speech about the real Harvey Dent but decides Gotham is not ready to hear it, A celebration is also being held at Wayne Manor Miranda Tate wants to meet Bruce Wayne to invest in her Clean energy but he refuses as he is now a recluse and has been for 8 years, during the celebration Alfred sends some Dinner up for Bruce with one of the helps at the party, however she is in disguise and is a well known Cat Burglar known as Selina Kyle, she manages to steal some Pearls and even though is confronted by Bruce still manages to get away.

A body is found by Police man John Blake it is that of a teenager that lives at the orphanage when he make inquires he is told that a lot of people have been working in the sewers as there is a lot of money to be made, Selina Kyle arranges a meeting with Daggett a rival of Bruce Wayne's to sell him some fingerprints she took whilst robbing Bruce, it is also revealed that Daggett has hired Bane, Daggett tries to have Kyle killed but manages to escape as the police have been tracking the meeting, they chase some of Bane's men to a man hole and Jim Gordon gets wounded, Bane steals the speech that he was going to say earlier but he manages to escape and is found by Blake.

Bruce wearing a ski-mask goes to see Gordon and Gordon says its time for the Batman to comeback, despite Bruce being a physical mess agrees he also makes his first appearance in public at ball and bumps into Selina Kyle and takes back his pearls, she however tells him she wants the rich to become to become poor and everyone to become equal, she responds to the pearls be taken back by stealing Bruce's car.

Bruce does some investigating into Bane and finds they where both trained by Bruce's mentor and was also a member of the league of shadows (see batman begins) it is also rumoured that  he escaped from one of the most notorious prisons of the planet, Bane and his men launch an attack on the stock exchange and they manage to get away with what they wanted and are pursued by police but when Batman turns up the deputy Commissioner orders the pursuit of Bane to end and for them to go after Batman he escapes with his new Lucius Fox designed bat-mobile that also flies, he also gets some of data Bane stole from the stock exchange.

Right I am ending it here, It was difficult for me to find to place to end my review today because as the film goes on more information is revealed, hopefully this is the right position as I don't want to spoil it, the film is enjoyable but feels a little packed in but what this film does and the trilogy as a whole is take away the silliness that we where left with after Batman and Robin, another thing that got me is why besides the Joker in the first one and Bane in this one why is Selina Kyle never referred to as Catwoman or Harvey Dent as Two-Face?, Also why end this film the way they did ?, it had the feeling that another film is coming, but they killed that with the announcement earlier this year that the Batman franchise is going to be re-booted again, I mean why another re-boot?, only reason I can think off this is because the announcement of the Justice League movie.

I had the choice of many posters today so chose this one to please the missus who thinks Tom Hardy is yum.

Friday, 23 November 2012

Dragon Eyes

A Van Damme film not watched one of them in ages.

A man called Hong turns up in the Village of St.Jude it is a village being torn apart by a pair of rival drug gangs, Hong goes and asks for a room at a nearby apartment block when he goes back to his car he greeted by 3 thugs they try and attack him but he beats them up, he turns his attention the rival gangs and goes into conflict with them, the rival gangs do not like that a man is hurting there businesses and the local sergeant doesn't like it either as he isn't getting his cut from either gang anymore, they both try and kill him but he manages to defeat them both, he goes to see both gangs and they agree to a truce also it is laid down that the drug dealing is done on the outskirts of the town and that no dealing happens to children.

Through out the film we get flashbacks from his time in jail with what becomes his mentor Tiano.

Mr.V a corrupt police chief takes interest in what Hong is doing and is impressed with his skills, he allows him to run St. Judes if he does him favours such as getting rid of dealers cutting into the business, he does this but does not kill anyone, back in St. Judes people are starting to take pride in there town keeping it clean and painting over vandalism.

Money goes missing from Mr.V he suspects different people including his own police but ultimately blames Hong, he has Hong captured and beaten and when goes to see him Hong has escaped and no one knows how, Mr V then lets another more powerful and more violent gang takeover in St. Judes, it is then revealed during Hongs recovery why he has gone to the town, to fulfill a promise made to his mentor.

Right only a small review with this one as that's all it needed, I have to say with Van Damme's name being the lead in this his role was only minimal this isn't a bad thing but for goodness sake don't give him top billing, Cung Le as hong was good but for my money he should stop in MMA and not concentrate on acting as that's  his strong suit, but then as the most as the martial artist besides Van Damme are MMA based we got some good action, it was also good to see some of Le's MMA buddies in cameo's such as Dan Henderson, also Van Damme's son has a small role in this so before you hit IMDB to see who it is watch and try and have a guess.

Thursday, 22 November 2012


A not very well known but good British comedy horror film.

Vince has recently been divorced and is depressed, his friends decide to take him on a boys weekend, this is welcome for all of them as they are all having women troubles, they hire a minibus to Moodly driven by a lady named Candy, they are going there as the women allegedly outnumber the men 4 to 1, and its also handy as Mikey's grandma lives there and has gone on holiday, another friend Banksy misses the bus and decides to make his own way down.

On there way into the village the bus stops sharply as there is some dead sheep in the road, Candy and Vince move the sheep, then Mikey's phone goes off and Neil decides to take everyone's mobile phone away from them deciding there weekend will be trouble free, they arrive at the town and it is surprisingly quiet, they go to the pub whilst Mikey goes to his Grans to get the key, whilst getting the key he notices some things that worry him like a bloody hand-mark on his way back to the pub he notices in a garden a woman dressed in bridal lingerie eating a dead animal she see's him and he runs, the rest decide to head back to the minibus when they see a soldier beating a young girl they rush to the girls aid and fight with the soldier in the mayhem the girl picks up a knife and stabs Neil through the hand, Mikey comes back and knocks the girl out with a garden gnome, they pull back her hoodie to see her grotesque face, they take the soldier and back to the bus to find Candy is also infected by whatever is growing around, they then head to Mikey's grandmas chased by many women, when they get back to the house the soldier informs them that there is a virus there and it only infects women and turns them into a kind of man eating zombie cannibal.

They leave the house to try and get back on the bus but this fails and they scatter hiding in various shops around the village apart from Patrick who is wounded by an axe and gets refuge on top of a advertising billboard and Neil who runs into a house where there is a fat woman she takes him hostage and cuts off and eats some of his fingers, whilst in the toy shop Vince and another guy manage to get a radio to the others and make a plan to try and get to the army van, Mikey tries this and fails and is set on by the other women they all leave the shops to help him and regroup and the local church, Neil manages escape and joins them, in the church they spy a computer and a image appears it is the local MP and it is explained that a infected washing powder was used on purpose to infect the women, the soldier finds a ultra sonic box and explains this will stop the women in their tracks, it fails and the soldier explains about PHASE 2 of the infection that this makes the women faster and deadlier, this starts happening to some of them women.

So some exciting things to come in the finale, if you have the time watch this unusual little gem, its weird but damn its good.

Dead Man Running

This caught my eye for the eclectic cast and when reading the synopsis it took my interest.

The current recession is also affecting the criminal underworld, and when a well known gangster and money lender comes to London he decides to make an example out of one his late payers.

Nick is a reformed villain trying to make a honest living for himself by setting up a travel agency, he employ's his best friend Bing who it appears is a thoroughly rubbish salesman, Nick also has a disabled mum who he looks after, he took a £100'000 loan out to look after his mum when he got sent to jail, he is visited by gangster Mr. Thigo and told he must repay the loan in 24 hours and to make sure he does he sends one of his men to Nick's mum armed with a shotgun.

Nick visits a friend who owes him money and to get the lowdown on the gangster, he gives him £3000 and tells him Thigo has locked down the criminal underworld making it impossible for him to borrow money from his criminal friends, he also tells his girlfriend who works a BDSM dominatrix and she agrees to help if she can, he then goes to visit his old promoter who managed him whilst he was bare fist fighter he organizes a fight for Nick which he wins and now has £9000, Bing then tells him about how he has a connection at Harlow dog track, they met him and for £300 he agrees to sabotage a dog so the long shot will win, it does and this makes them more money and when leaving Nick casually puts money on another dog, they then go to another one of Bing's connection to buy cocaine at cost and then double their money, they then by accident happen on a illegal rave and try to sell the drugs but when the guys try the goods it turn out that the cocaine is low quality as it has been heavily mixed with another substance, he tells them he desperately needs £100'000 and the drug guys say the know someone who needs a favour, this favour involves the shooting of a man, Bing at this point decides its getting to deep for him and leaves and asks Nick to call him after the job has been done, around the same time the man guarding Nicks mum falls asleep it is revealed at this point his mum is not really disabled and takes his shotguns.

Nick is told about his target and goes to shoot him this is revealed however to be a test which he passes and they take him to the real target, Nick takes the man out the house telling the driver he will not shoot him in a house where there is kids, they take him into the countryside and Nick appears to shoot him.

I really enjoyed this film and thought the acting besides the cameo appearances of 50 cent where decent, Brenda Blethyn played the mum so well, Danny Dyer and Tamar Hassan play their regular east-end wide boy role but they do it so well, I also liked how when we get deeper into the film the comedic element starts to go as the crimes get more serious, I also dislike the reviews I have read of this film saying its a Guy Ritchie knock off but I think if he had directed it they would be saying it was brilliant.

Conan the Barbarian

Another what I presume is a remake, lets see how it fairs up to the original.

Conan is a baby born of war, his mother was killed during battle and his father had to cut him from his mother stomach to survive, he grows into childhood as a skilled but very angry warrior and this stops his father from giving him his own sword, one day their village is raided by Khalar Zym as he is looking for the divided pieces of a mask, he wants to retrieve all pieces as it gives the power to revive the dead and he wants to bring back his dead wife and be a almighty conqueror, he gets his piece and his daughter takes his fathers sword, Conan swears revenge to kill all that's responsible for his fathers death and for the destruction of his village.

Years later Conan has grown into a pirate but never forgot his vengeance, whilst looking for further riches he and his crew spy a slave colony, Conan not liking this free's the slaves, whilst in the city he encounters the thief Ela-Shan being chased by one of his fathers killers he allows himself to be arrested to get close to him, whilst in prison Conan kills several of the guards and get the man to reveal where Zym is and he also tells him about the need to find a pure blood descendant of a sorcerer to release the masks power, Conan then leaves him to the mercy of the other prisoners who kill him, he departs not before Ela-Shan thanks Conan and if he ever needs a favour to find him.

Zym and his daughter attack a monastery looking for the pure blood, the high monk orders Tamara one of the priestesses to leave in the carriage, they are chased by several of Zym's men, when the high monk refuses to tell Zym and his daughter Marique where she went they kill him and the other priestesses, Conan who see's Zym's men chasing the priestess goes after it thinking it is Zym when he realizes its not he kills the pursuers and captures of his Zym's men who tells him Tamara's importance he kills him by firing him on a catapult into Zym's camp with a note telling them he has Tamara.

Zym and Marique confront Conan and they do battle, Conan comes out the losing end but Tamara manages to rescue him and take him back to his ship where Conan recovers, Zym's men then attack Conan's ship but they are defeated, Conan orders the ship to return to the city to protect Tamara and he goes off to confront Zym, Tamara is given a map to Conan's location she finds him and they make love, on her way back to the ship Zym's men and daughter capture her.

And that my beloved readers is where I normally cut off, the film is not a remake and they have seem to have gone a new direction with it, to be honest I am not sure if this is a bad thing or not and for me the film was meh, not too good but not too bad either, to be honest I preferred the Schwarzenegger version better.

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Walking Tall

I do like the Rock so here is one of my favourites.

Chris Vaughn returns home only to find his town has changed dramatically, the mill has shut down and all around him there seems to be drugs, gambling and sleaze the local sheriff see's Chris and recognizes his name and drives him home, his family are happy to see him however seems to get attitude from his nephew, his best friend Templeton comes to see him and he takes him to be reacquainted with some old friends, whilst there he meets Jay a school friend who took advantage of the towns situation to build the strip clubs and casinos, after a heated game of football he invites Chris and his friends to his casino and they agree to go, whilst at the casino Chris seems to be forcing himself to be having fun and his friends organize him a private dance with a stripper, after a while he see's the stripper is a childhood friend and former love interest named Deni, when she realizes its Chris she runs off embarrassed, He then notices his friends at the craps table and notices the game is rigged a fight then ensues between Chris and his friends and the casino security, they manage to subdue Chris and knock him unconscious, when he awakes they beat him more and torture him, he awakes again on a freeway and a trucker takes him to hospital.

When he gets better he goes to the Sheriff to press charges but they refuse to do so telling Chris they wont arrest anyone as the casino is important to the town, he leaves disgusted and then gets the news his nephew nearly died using crystal meth and that he got the drugs from the bouncers at the casino, he goes to the casino and takes a thick piece of wood, he destroys the casino and beats the bouncers that tortured him, however they press charges against Chris and during the trial they testify against him, Chris fires his attorney and represents himself, during the trial he tells the town folk he will clean up the town and is subsequently found not guilty, he is then voted in as new sheriff and fires all the deputies and deputizes his friend Templeton.

They immediately start cleaning up the town and arrest Jay's head of security when they find drugs on him, they arrest and strip his car in order to get him to talk he refuses, Chris spends the night at station to supervise the bouncer and sends Templeton to watch his family as he thinks there might be repercussions, during the night Deni comes and visits him they re-kindle there relationship and make love, the next morning the former sheriff and his deputies arrives and start blasting the station, and the review ends here!!.

A thoroughly enjoyable film and the Rock was brilliant although in this film I was expecting to do the Rock Bottom and peoples elbow on some of the bad guys.


This film is an actual Spielberg film that I like, unusual the critics didn't like it.

A submarine emerges on the east coast of California a woman is also swimming it see's what it thinks is California, they dive and the woman swims to safety not before a Japanese officer see's the naked woman and gets excited shouting "Hollywood", later that day a tank crew is having lunch where dishwasher Wally works, he is planning to go to the dance contest with sweetheart Betty, whilst dancing through the restaurant he catches the attention of the Corporal Sitarski who dislikes Wally for not enlisting, a fight occurs and Wally is sacked, at the same time in Death Valley Captain Wild Bill Kelso lands to refuel his Jet fighter whilst listening to the radio he see's his fighter run away leaving a petrol trail he fires his gun and its blows up the petrol station.

In the afternoon General Stilwell calls a press conference to calm the threat of an attack on California he is with his personal secretary Donna, Captain Birkhead notices her and is told she is turned on by airplanes he takes her into the plane and tries to seduce her but this fails she tries to leave but the Captain is in her way she punches him and he falls on the bomb release and out drops a bomb and just as the general says there will be no bombs exploding on american soil it explodes, same time that afternoon we go to Betty's house where she meets Wally, her and her friend Maxine tell him he cant attend the dance as he is not enlisted, then the tank crew turn up, Sitarski notices Betty and is instantly attracted, Maxine is interested in Sitarski also, The tank crew put a anti craft gun in the garden and Sgt. Tree inadvertently tells Betty's father Ward how to fire the gun, Sitarski fights with Wally again and Ward helps get rid of him as he dislikes him also.

The Japanese sub has become lost searching for Hollywood because the ships compass has broken, they launch a landing party and kidnap local business man Hollis Wood, they take him back to the submarine and ask him where Hollywood is, he gets confused and says that's his name however when searching his possessions they notice a small compass, Hollis grabs it and swallows it, he is then forced fed high fibre drinks and placed into a toilet he manages to trick them and escapes.

Right ending it here as night time is coming and that's when everything major happens, I enjoy the film, the only gripe I have is there is too many characters and they could have trimmed back, also is there is too much going on at any one point, but you do have a stellar cast and that makes up for a lot.

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Ghost Rider

Another Marvel comic film, well I am a fan-boy now I guess !!

The devil Mephisto sends for a horse-backed man with a flamed skull for a face, he is the ghost rider, the devils bounty hunter, to collect a contract for a 1000 corrupt souls, he refuses to give him this as he knows this would give the devil what he wants, hell on earth.

150 years later the devil reaches out to Johnny Blaze, a motorcycle daredevil rider with his father and offers him a contract to help save his fathers life who has cancer, he cuts his finger with a paper cut but this accidently seals the contract and the devil takes his soul as payment, however the next day his father dies in a "accident" performing a stunt and the devil see's the contract fulfilled and tells Blaze that he will come for him, Johnny devastated and upset leaves his sweetheart in the rain and starts on his new life.

A few years later Johnny is now a world famous motorcycle stunt man and before a dangerous stunt, he for the first time does an interview with his childhood sweetheart Roxanne, he completes the jump and chases after her and makes a dinner date, at the same time Blackheart, the son of the devil, arrives on earth determined to collect the contract for the 1000 souls and is accompanied by 3 fallen angels, whilst getting ready for his date the devil shows up and makes Johnny the new Ghost Rider to stop his son in exchange he will give Johnny back his soul, he shows reluctance to do this but has no choice, he tracks down one of the fallen angels and gets a heavy chain to kill one of them, the others however escape, on his way back he hears the sound of a women being mugged, he saves her by giving the mugger the penance stare, his most dangerous weapon, this makes the prepatrator relive all the vile things they have done and leaves them in a coma like state.

Johnny awakes the next morning in a graveyard and meets a mysterious stranger known as the Caretaker, he knows all about the history of the Ghost Rider, they discuss the consequences of it and Johnny leaves knowing he has a new ally, back home Roxanne confronts him at being stood up, he tells her about the Ghost Rider, she however disbelieves him and angrily leaves, police then come to arrest him as they suspect he maybe responsible for the previous nights activities caused by Blackheart, he is put in a cell and is beaten by the other inmates but this turns him into Ghost Rider he knocks them out and escapes to resume his hunt of Blackheart, he finds another of the fallen angels and defeats him, Roxanne see's him as Ghost Rider and now believes him however Blackheart see's his reaction towards Roxanne and knows she is his weakness.

Johnny goes back to the Caretaker for help and tells him of the previous Ghost Rider who took the contract for a 1000 souls and how he was also tricked, he advises him to cut ties with those he cares about, Johnny returns home to find his best friend has been killed and that Blackheart has Roxanne, he fights him and tries to use the Penance stare however this has no effect as Blackheart has no soul, he then threatens to kill Roxanne if he doesn't give him the contract, we then head into a very good finale.

A good adaptation from the comic, they played Johnny Blaze's intensity down and this works for me as the Ghost Rider is intense all on his own, also Nicholas Cage plays it well and Eva Mendes as Roxanne is ravishing, so for me its a big thumbs up.

Saturday, 17 November 2012

Silent Hill

Based on a game and I love the game, but often adaptations suck ass !!

A couple, Rose and Chris DaSilva awake to find their daughter Sharon has gone missing they search the outside and the mother finds her standing on the edge of cliff screaming SILENT HILL, she dives and stop her from falling and takes her back home.

The mother desperate for answers why her child is having nightmares about a town called Silent Hill takes her on a journey against the wishes of her husband, but undaunted takes her anyways whilst stopping for petrol a policewoman seems to take an unhealthy interest in them and takes the number plate but they drive on anyways, as they get closer to the town they see a small child in the road and Rose swerves the car, it spins and they crash, she awakes after the crash to find Sharon gone and surrounded in an eerie fog, she goes in search of her daughter and see's what she thinks is her daughter and chases her, then a chime sounds everything goes dark and creatures emerge, she battles to escape them and goes through a door and then awakes to a juke box playing and it being daytime.

She carries on the search for her daughter and she happens on what appears to be a homeless woman she shows her the picture of her daughter and the woman screams that this is her daughter Alessa she tries to attack her but Rose fights her off and runs away, whilst on her way to the school is stopped and arrested by police officer Cybil she tries to tell her about the problems with silent hill but tries to take her back anyway but the road out no longer exists.

Meanwhile Chris has been investigating and has been searching the town with the kindly Det. Gucci without the eerie fog, the search proves fruitless Chris begins investigating himself and finds some old records and a picture of a child that looks exactly like his daughter but the picture is 30 years old, he goes to an orphanage where he and his wife adopted their daughter but they are unwilling to divulge information and Det. Gucci threatens to arrest him and sends him home.

Cybil now realizing she needs Rose's help releases her especially after it turns to night again and monsters once again appear, when light comes again they get out and start searching for Sharon, they meet a young lady named Anna who tells them about a place of refuge, whilst they are heading there the gong goes again telling them night fall is about to take place, as they get into the church Anna is killed by one of the monsters, they get in there and discover the place of refuge is actually a fanatical cult, Rose tells the leader Christabella about her daughter, Christabella tells her she thinks a demon at the hospital maybe able to help her, when light emerges again they go to the hospital, Christabella then see's a picture of Sharon and how it look like Alessa and shouts WITCHES at Rose and Cybil, realizing the danger Cybil put herself in harms way and Rose escapes to find the demon.

Right the review ends here as huge spoiler is about to happen, I will say the film is hard to piece together and you need to give your undivided attention and also has the feel of the computer game this is not a bad thing as it remains loyal to the game and for me if your going to get your inspiration from a source such as a game or book then stick to it, but on the whole an enjoyable film and thank god for the huge spoiler !.

Poster by JerimiahStudios

Thursday, 15 November 2012

Open Water

Based on a true story, however a lot of the film is speculation.

Daniel and Susan are a busy working couple but manage to find some time in their busy schedules to take a scuba diving holiday, on the 2nd day of their vacation they go on the scuba diving expedition and during the safety talk a man on the trip informs the people running the tour he has forgot his equipment and can not go, they all go into the water and start exploring , half way through a young couple come back up and they adjust the count to say they have come back on the boat however the gentleman who forgot his gear borrows the young ladies and the other man goes back out with him not adjusting the count to say they have gone into the water, everyone gets back unto the boat and thinking they have everyone back go back to the resort, Daniel and Susan emerge to find the boat has gone.

They start to think that they will obviously realise that they have left them behind and return, after a while they  also notice they have drifted from the original site and Susan starts to feel unwell as she she has been drinking sea water Daniel tells her to lay back and relax and she falls asleep, she awakes alone and starts shouting for Daniel he hears her and they start swimming back to together but on the way gets bitten by either a barracuda or a shark, they then realise that sharks have been beneath them for a while, they see a buoy and figure to start swimming towards it then Daniel gets bitten by a shark and starts bleeding heavily Susan tries to stem the bleeding but it carries on bleeding and Daniel even with Susan trying to calm him goes into shock, night falls and during the night Daniel dies.

The crew go back onto the boat in the morning and find Susan and Daniel's personal effects and realise that the count they made must have been wrong and search and rescue is mobilized.

I am ending it here even though there is only 5 minutes of the film left but as you can probably guess there is going to be 2 possible endings and guess what, I am not going to tell you so ner ner !!, but on the whole a very enjoyable film and to say it was filmed on a shoe string budget they did well.

Monday, 12 November 2012

21 Jump Street

I tried to watch this once but was thwarted in my effort, nothing was going to stop me this time !!.

Two guys who where polar opposites in school, one a jock named Jenko, one a brainiac named Schmidt, meet again at the police academy and use each others strengths to graduate and along the line make friends, they graduate and are assigned to each other as partners but are given menial duties, one day they spot an opportunity to make their mark by trying to arrest some known drug dealers but botch their arrest, for this their captain assigns them to the revived Jump Street programme, which is a programme that investigates crimes involving teenagers and high schools.

They go to their new assignment and are told they are there because of their youthful looks, they are given an assignment at a school to stop a new drug from reaching the outside world and contain and stop it, they are also given new identities as brothers, Jenko is now known as Brad McQuaid and Schmidt is know known as Doug, they move into Schmidt's parents for the duration of the investigation.

They go into the school and make friends but they find its changed since they where at school, Schmidt is know considered the popular kid and now Jenko is considered weird, they also develop some romantic interests without trying, Schmidt likes a girl called Molly who he meets in drama auditions and Jenko's chemistry teacher takes an unhealthy interest in him, It doesn't take them long to find who is dealing the drugs, it is one of the popular kids, they go and arrange a deal and they try and take the drugs away but the dealer Eric insists that they take it there, the results of taking the drug makes Eric like Schmidt.

Jenko and Schmidt decide to throw a party to cement their popularity, they buy Beer and steal Marijuana from the police lock up, the party goes successfully and during it Jenko steals Eric's mobile phone to put a tracker and transmitter on it and after the party Eric asks Schmidt to become one of his dealers but instead of selling it he gives it to his Captain and he gives him the money to get it out of circulation.

Schmidt then goes to Eric's house where he asks Molly to prom and she accepts but then belittles Jenko to the group but Jenko can hear this because of the transmitter, this makes them fall out but they remain on task, just before Schmidt's drama play Jenko see's Eric leaving school they follow him and see him trying to do a deal with the dealers mentioned earlier, but are forced to run when they are spotted, they back to school and Jenko confronts Schmidt about his earlier insults and insists Schmidt is getting in too deep, they fight during the play and ruin it this makes Molly fall out with Schmidt they also get expelled from school and also get fired from Jump Street as not getting expelled was one the proviso's of the job.

Ending it here again as you know what surely is going down in the finale, this is a very funny film, Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum play their roles brilliantly they also get some brilliant support from Ice Cube, so enjoy and be prepared to laugh, ohh and enjoy the surprise cameo!.

Sunday, 11 November 2012


Got recommend this. So as you can tell from this title you know what it is going to be about.

The film is about Annie who is asked by her best friend Lillian to be her maid of honour, she accepts but at the engagement party has a rival in Helen, who obviously wants to fill the role, even the dislike and jealousy of each other is obvious, Lillian asks them to spend some time together and get to know each other, this results in an incredibly violent game of tennis.

The anger builds in Annie who after a dinner that she organizes where Helen dislikes any themed ideas for a party, then they go for a fitting of bridesmaid dresses, they become ill with food poisoning except Helen who didn't eat the contaminated food and then orders everyone the expensive bridesmaid dresses that she likes.

Annie tries to organize the bachlorette party by suggesting they go to Lillian's parents summer house to try and save money, Helen once again trumps this by booking everyone flights to Las Vegas however Annie refuses to accept the 1st class ticket and flies in coach, however she is afraid of flying and is given alcohol and sedatives this makes her extremely drunk and tells Helen exactly what she thinks of her and this makes the Air Marshall land the plane, this angers Lillian and tells Annie that she doesn't want her to her Maid anymore and asks Helen to do it.

Annie goes home and tries to adjust, she starts flirting with a cop called Nathan and after seeing each other a couple of times they have sex, the next morning she runs out on him after he is nice her and she worries that because of a "fuck buddy" relationship she has with a man called Ted who is basically a shit she needs to re-evaluate her life.

Annie goes to the bridal shower now organized by Helen and get angered as she has basically stolen all her poo-poo'd ideas and has a melt down at the party and Lillian tells her that if that's her attitude she shouldn't bother turning up to the wedding.

Well if you want the questions answering watch the rest of the film, you know what the question are that need answering right ?, will she make up with her friend will she make the right decision with Mr. Right and will she sort things out with Helen, but my advice on this is for a 2 hour comedy film it should have a lot more than a couple of chuckles and the chuckles where provided from the ones who are actual comedians not the actors, so sorry its thumbs down from me on this one and it takes too long to get into as well and there was a lot of scenes that where unnecessary for the running of the film and in my opinion very strangely done and very insipid.


Just a random choice, I was looking through Netflix and it peaked my interest.

Paul Conroy awakes in a coffin in the middle of the Iraqi desert with no idea how he got there, he is bound and gagged and with only minimal supplies, a light and a Blackberry, he escapes his gag and restraints binding his hands together, he receives a phone call from some terrorists demanding that they pay them $5'000'000 or he will die in his coffin, he tries ringing various people to help, he tries ringing the police to no avail  then the FBI but the phone signal goes, his company but that goes to answer phone, his friends but they are also no help, he finally gets through to the US State department who tell him they will not negotiate with terrorists, they however connect him with Dan Brenner who works in Iraq to try and help free hostages and reassures him that they have had successes in the past by rescuing a man called Mark White.

The terrorists ring him and demand he make a hostage video, Dan tells him not to do this however the terrorists send him a video message with a gun to a female colleagues head, he makes the video and sends it to them, despite this they execute her anyways, Paul calls Dan getting increasingly worried and skeptical that anyone is coming to help him he tells him he shouldn't have made the video but does try and reassure him that they are doing their best to find him, he also rings his Mother who has dementia to try and talk and say goodbye but she doesn't understand.

Explosions are heard all around him this causes him coffin to split and sand to slowly start to leak in, his mobile phone then goes it is from his company who he works for to tell him that he got fired that morning for fraternization it is inferred that this is happening to get the company out paying his family any benefits should he die, Brenner then calls him to tell him that a team of F-16 jets have just leveled the area they think he is in, he responds that he knows! but they do tell him his kidnappers may have been killed, getting increasingly accustomed that is fate is death he makes out a video testament on the phone which is increasingly losing battery, he leaves everything to his wife and child, the terrorist calls him again demanding he spill his blood or it will be his wife and child, they convince him by telling him they know where he lives, becoming more desperate for freedom he does this and sends them the video.

A little while later Brenner calls Paul telling him they have captured someone and that they now know his location and they are on there way to get him, he hangs up as his wife rings and they tell each other that they love each other and that he will hang on.

Now i will leave it at the exciting conclusion and it is a good one, I was impressed by this film as it basically one camera on Ryan Reynolds for 90 minutes all the other voices he hears are through a mobile phone, he has no-one to bounce lines off no other faces and quite rightly won a lot of acclaim for this role, it's a shame the film didn't make it more commercially.

Hellraiser - Inferno

Another one of the Hellraiser sequels, I am sure I will stumble into a decent one eventually !.

The film is about a corrupt cop, who whilst investigating what looks like a ritual murder sacrifice finds the larmarchand puzzle box, he puts it into his pocket and doesn't report it, he goes home to change and his wife and child ask him to stop which he doesn't and just goes straight back out telling them he is in the middle of an investigation, he drives around for a while then picks up a prostitute for sex, after sex he goes into the bathroom and takes out the puzzle box and appears to solve it, he passes out and awakes, nothing appears to have happened.

He then starts to have hallucinations and starts seeing what appears to be cenobites, a pair of female twin cenobites who always try and seduce him and one with no torso keeps trying to chase him, also starts seeing a cenobite with no facial features, whilst during his investigations he finds that the murders are being committed by someone called the engineer who is suspected in the kidnap of small child and also he discovers people he has been around and questioned start to die in horrific manners, the prostitute is murdered and notorious sexual predator is killed when the engineer uses a flogger with fish hooks attached to it to flail the skin of his back, to the extent you see his spinal column, also it appears the engineer is leaving behind 1 of the child's fingers at every murder scene, he also starts going to a therapist to help him with his hallucinations.

So lets have a look at this movie, Its not a too bad effort to keep the franchise going but it really needed to stop after the third movie and this is the fifth, at least this one feels like a Hellraiser movie unlike some of the later installments, its still not that great though and the ending is overly complicated.

Saturday, 10 November 2012


Been wanting to watch this for a while, so last night I got the chance and I jumped at the chance.

A troubled bullied young boy named John has no friends, but then one Christmas he gets the present he wants, a big teddy bear, that night the goes to sleep with his new friend and see's a shooting star and makes a wish for his teddy to become real, they awake next morning to find the wish came true and they are immediately best friends, and even though Ted gets understandably international stardom he never strays away and as the years go by Ted's star fades but he and John still have each other.

We go to John who now is 35 and is in a long term relationship with Lori but still has Ted as a room mate, Ted has basically turned into a waster who spends his day smoking Marijuana and drinking, Lori wants John to make a solid commitment to her but feels whilst Ted is with John he will never move on, after a night out together they return to find Ted with 4 prostitutes and a shit on the floor from a prostitute after a game of truth and dare got out of control, angered by this Lori sets John the ultimatum of it being him or her, he explains to Ted who understands and agrees to move out on the proviso that they will remain friends.

Ted and John still spend a lot of time together, and helps Ted find a apartment and helps get him a interview for a job, even though Ted is rude and offensive in his interview the manager likes his honesty and gives him the job this frustrates Ted but he accepts it anyways, and whilst on the job carries on his offensive manner including having sex on the job with a co-worker, this action gets him promoted, to prompt Ted to ask his boss "you have severe personal problems don't you", John skips out of work one day using Lori as a excuse, whilst in the park a creepy man and his son approach Ted to tell him they are huge fans and want to buy him they appeases the man and he goes away.

Lori and John go to a work party, where John is annoyed by her Bosses constant flirting with her, however during the party Ted calls John to inform him Sam Jones (Flash Gordon) is there as they are both huge fans they get drunk and high with him, but Lori finds out and breaks it off, John blames Ted and ends their friendship also.

Ted finds John to talk it out but the conversation turns into a violent fight when John says he wishes he got a Teddy Ruxpin instead of him, however after the fight they reconcile and Ted vows to help him win back Lori with the help Norah Jones who Ted describes as woman who he "once had awkward furry sex with", at the concert she lets John sing a song to Lori and she is touched but her boss ridicules his efforts, Ted goes to visit Lori and explains it was him that led him astray and that she should try again with him and he will leave them be, Lori touched by this meets with John, however during her meeting with John he receives a phone call and from the number that rings him he deduces Ted has been kidnapped by the creepy man and his son.

Time to break off here as we head into end, the film was everything I hoped it would be, it was crude, rude and hilarious everything I would expect from Seth Macfarlane, so sit enjoy and be prepared to be grossed out.

Friday, 9 November 2012

The Machinist

Apparently Christian Bale did some serious method acting for this, and with commitment like that it deserves a watch.

Trevor is a machinist and hasn't slept for a year this is also effecting his health to the point where he looks anorexic, he seems to be well liked amongst his colleagues until an accident involving a machine causes a work mate to lose his arm, he blames a workmate named Ivan for distracting him, however when an investigation is launched it appears that there no-one at the factory called Ivan.

Trevor regularly visits a prostitute who seems to have genuine emotion for him and doesn't see him as a way to make money, as she offers to make him a meal he however refuses and leaves his money and goes after leaving Stevie (the prostitute) he spends his sleepless nights at an airport waiting lounge where he also struck up a friendly relationship with the waitress there, Maria (the waitress) asks him to join her for a day out with her son which he happily accepts, he goes out on the Sunday with Maria and whilst going on a ride with her son starts seeing some disturbing imagery, however whilst on the ride Nicholas has an epileptic seizure, he takes Maria and Nicholas home and accompanies them into the house but then leaves after he starts seeing a note on her fridge similar to the ones that have been left on his, he later goes back to Stevie who tells him that she would give prostitution for him as she thinks he is Mr.Right.

Trevor is growing increasingly paranoid after spotting Ivan, he follows him to a pub where he takes a picture of Ivan with one of his co-workers and seems to come to point where he thinks there is a conspiracy against him, after another accident at work he confronts the co-worker who he suspects has the vendetta against him and is immediately fired, He is growing increasingly distracted and even more paranoid and goes to the house of workmate who's arm got chopped off and accuses him of trying to drive him mad with the messages on his fridge, he tells him to leave and attacks him, whilst getting into his car he see's Ivan again and tracks his number plate.

He goes to the DMV and tries to get the address they refuse and they tell him the only reason he would get that information is if a crime is committed and because he is that committed to get the information he throws himself in front of a car and then goes to a police station to report a hit and run, however the police come back to him and tell him that the number plate supplied to them is registered to Trevor and he reported it wrecked in a accident a year ago, the police accuse him of filling a false report and he runs from the police and goes to Stevie, whilst there he see's the picture he took from Ivan at the pub and accuses her sleeping with Ivan and that she has been keeping things from him, she tells him all she see's in the picture is Trevor and a co-worker not of anyone called Ivan, she throws him out after he becomes abusive, he then goes to the airport to see Maria but she is not there but is greeted by another waitress who informs him that she is the one who has waited on him for a year and they have never spoken.

I am going to stop it there as we are at the finale of the movie and there is quite a few surprises that shore up the film, I really wanted to like this film and as well acted as it is, its overly complicated and quite tricky to follow don't get me wrong I don't dislike it but I just didn't get it, However a special mention goes out to Christian Bale who lost more than 60lbs for this role, now that's dedication !!.

Are you Scared ?

A review on Netflix says it a gory thriller, never heard of it but I don't let things like that stop me.

Wow I mean WOW, what a totally unashamed Saw rip, 6 people find themselves trapped in a warehouse with no idea how they got there, then a voice comes across the PA system telling them they have been selected to participate in a reality TV show called Are you Scared ?, so one by one they take turns in facing their worst fear with the added bonus is that they can die, so we see the people in various contraptions trying to escape to make money.

So there you are a total saw rip-off with the added twist at the end also like Saw, only difference is the people choose to be involved, I was hoping it was made by the boys at Asylum as they are normally the ones that do rip-offs but alas it wasn't, I would also like to say it fell into the category that it was so shit it was good but alas again it wasn't, it comes to something when they even lift lines from Saw eg "the games have begun", so don't watch it unless you like the proper horror of wasting 80 mins of your life !!. 

Thursday, 8 November 2012

The Amazing Spider-Man

OK a reboot of a film that not too long ago just had a trilogy, I don't approve of reboots but I am a superhero geek so I think I will give it a shot.

Peter Parker walks into his fathers study to find out it has been burgled, his parents walk into the room, his Father gathers the documents that are strewn on the floor, he is taken to his Aunt Meg and Uncle Ben's to be safe, it is later found out that his parents where killed in Airplane crash.

We go to Peter as a high school pupil, with the regular problems that face a teenager, he has a unrequited crush for a girl called Gwen Stacey and problems with the school bully named Flash.

At home Uncle Ben asks Peter to help him clean out the garage where he finds some of his fathers old work and learns he was working at OSCORP with a scientist by the name of  Dr. Kurt Connors and that their work was to help cure human disease and ailments with the help of animal DNA  Connors also has a selfish reason for this to help him restore his missing arm, Peter goes to OSCORP and sneaks onto a tour that Gwen Stacey is leading she realizes Peter isn't meant to be on the tour but Peter is happy as he has met Dr.Connors, whilst snooping peter goes into a room filled genetically modified spiders and is bitten, during the train ride back a fight accidently breaks out and this reveals he has heightened powers and abilities.

Peter returns to see Dr.Connors and gives him the missing formula that his father developed and he refined and agrees to see him after school, however whilst at school Peter gets into a fight with Flash and Uncle Ben has to be called into school and has to change shifts, he makes Peter agree to pick up his Aunt Meg from work in a way of a punishment, however Peter chooses to ignore or forget this as he goes Dr.Connors to test the lizard serum an a 3 legged mouse, when he returns home he is confronted by Uncle Ben they argue and Peter storms off, Uncle Ben goes to try and find him and talk it out rationally, however things end badly, Peter is buying a soft drink but doesn't have enough money and is only short a couple of cents but the clerk still refuses to serve him, the store is then robbed, Peter is in a position to help foil the robbery but refuses to help as the thief rushes past him, Uncle Ben is looking for Peter but bumps into the thief and is shot and killed after seeing the police description Peter realizes that if he had stopped the thief Uncle Ben would be still alive.

Peter filled with anger after his Uncles funeral decides to hunt the killer but unexpectedly turns into a vigilante by capturing other criminals, during a hunt to try and capture a criminal he falls into an old wrestling ring and this inspires to develop his outfit, he is named Spider-Man by the press and that is wanted for his vigilante antics by police Cpt. Stacey, Gwen Stacey's father.

Back at OSCORP it is revealed that the experiment worked and Dr.Connors bosses Mr. Ratha and the owner Norman Osborn want him to go ahead with human trials he refuses and is sacked, desperate he tests the serum on himself and his arm begins to regenerate, he goes to find Mr. Ratha but the effects keeps going and during the cab journey he turns into the villainous Lizard and makes Ratha his first victim.

So I guess by now you don't need me to tell you the rest of the film and that this films answers a few questions for rebooting; the effects are better, the story is delivered better and has lost the "kiddy" feel from the Spiderman trilogy however the story is exactly the same just with a couple of small differences, instead of Mary Jane we have Gwen Stacey and instead of the Green Goblin we have the Lizard and that's it, only reason the franchise was rebooted is because Sam Raimi didn't like the script for Spiderman 4 so they didn't go ahead with it and that I don't understand, Raimi is good yes but it didn't need to die because of him and in my opinion Spiderman 4 would have been more productive than another rehash sorry if you don't agree but I don't really care ;p

Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Guest House Paradiso

The TV series and the stage shows live on in this film.

Richie and Eddie are running a Guest House which neighbours a nuclear power plant, life in the guesthouse seems to trudging bore the only relief they get is in the form of being awfully violent to each other, their only paying guest has left, leaving the batty Mrs.Foxfur which the guys always seemingly exploit for their own purposes.

Then a family down on their luck want the cheapest holiday possible check into the hotel, Richie leads them to their room and instructs Eddie to take the kiddies to a play area (a swing on the edge of a cliff) and then tells Mr and Mrs.Nice to go the bar for a complementary drink whilst he goes through their baggage for things to steal, the only things he finds are rubber fetish wear, The reception bell then once again surprisingly rings and Richie is greeted by a beautiful woman a famous actress named Gina Carbonara she explains she needs to stop there as its so unknown and that her fiancee will never find her there, the boys have another problem they have no food to feed the guests, whilst on a hunt for food one of trucks going away from the nuclear plant spills some fish so they serve their guests fish.

Gina's husband Gino finds her and demands she marry him with some untruthful apologies from him she does however it doesn't take long for him to revert to his old ways and she wants rid off him, Some guys turn up from the Nuclear Power plant and tell Eddie that the fish is highly contaminated, the guest begin to be sick expelling green vomit everywhere.

Once again this where I stop the review I wasn't to sure where to stop it to be honest, the film is entertaining and is what you expect from Rik and Ade, however Guest House Paradiso seems to be a combination of Bottom and Fawlty Towers and this is it's downfall watch Bottom or Fawlty Towers as this doesn't quite work.

Upcoming Deadpool Movie

Right this isn't a movie review but I need to share my excitement for this, Deadpool for me is probably most awesome X-men in the bunch (in my opinion) and if this film is handled right remains faithful it could be the most successful X-men movie ever and undo the damage they did with Wade Wilson in the Wolverine movie and even though I did enjoy that movie it just wasn't the correct way to handle the character.

I have also heard that Ryan Reynolds is reprising his role as Deadpool, I don't have a problem with this as some others have, it has been seen that he can handle the superhero role as seen in Green Lantern, the problem maybe is that behind his mask Deadpool is horribly scarred due to medical experiment gone wrong and well RR does like his face time on the silver screen, however Liam Neeson overcame this in the Darkman movie and proved acting ability can overcome looks.

I will now go back to the problem that the "others" may have, Once you have played one superhero should you play another, RR has already done this, he played a supporting role in Blade has already played DP and has been the Green Lantern so should an actor diversify ?, I don't know the argument could be made that GL is DC comics and DP is Marvel so that's OK, however this only my opinion and have no idea how the comic book geeks feel about this, I do know however I wasn't happy that Chris Evans has played 2 marvel characters in Captain America and the Human Torch.

Apparently the Zombieland boys have drafted the script for this so I have no problems about the quality of the movie that will be made.

Anyways of all the recent movies announced at the moment this and the upcoming PHASE 2 developments for the Avengers are the ones I am most excited about.

Sorry this isn't a review, normal service soon to be resumed !

An American Werewolf in London

I love this film, uncompromising, very unusual but an excellent classic.

2 American college students are on a back packing holiday, it is getting late on the Yorkshire Moors when they come across a pub named the Slaughtered Lamb, whilst in the pub the reception they face is for from hospitable but engage is some banter with the locals however when they ask about the pen-tangle on the wall the reception becomes once again hostile and they decide to leave, however when leaving they are offered advice "beware the moon" and "stay to roads", the landlady of the pub is getting distressed about the boys and asks the locals to go get them, as they are talking a Howl from outside breaks the silence, the boys also hear the howl and they also hear something or someone following them and getting closer they also notice it is a full moon and that they have left the roads, then something pounces and attacks the boys, Jack is killed but David is saved by the pub goers when the beast is shot and killed, however when David looks over before he passes out it seems he has been attacked by an average looking man.

David awakes from his attack 3 weeks later and faces questioning from police about the attack, he is told he is in London, he tells the police he was attacked by a large wolf, the police deduce he is suffering from shock as the person responsible was apparently a escaped lunatic.

Whilst in Hospital he meets a pretty young nurse named Alex and the attraction between the 2 is obvious, but he also starts having bizarre dreams and starts what he thinks is hallucinations when he starts seeing his dead friend Jack looking like he did after the attack, Jack informs his friend they where attacked by a werewolf and that he cant go because anyone who dies from a attack is doomed to wander the earth in limbo until the line is broken, he also informs David he is now a werewolf and must kill himself before the next full moon to avoid more death, David greets this news with skepticism.

David however tells his doctor about this and he goes to investigate the village where David was attacked but thinks the village is living in some sort of mass psychosis but is informed that David is accurate in what he is saying.

David leaves the hospital and with no-where to go moves in with Alex and they embark on a relationship, but it is not long before he starts seeing Jack again warning him about the Moon and that once again he should kill himself.

The following day he as alone in the flat he begins to experience excruciating pains, he rushes to the window to see a full moon and as Jack predicted he begins to turn into a Werewolf, he escapes the flat and into London's crowded streets and that,s when the fun begins.

So what we have here is a wonderfully shot film with fantastic special effects, just go and see it.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Saw 3D aka The Final Chapter

They had to finish it sooner or later so lets hope it goes out on a bang !

We start with a flashback, Dr.Gordon the survivor from the 1st film is crawling along the ground the blood pumping from the leg he had to amputate to survive, he crawls to a hot steam pipe and uses it to cauterize his leg, we then go to the present day and in a shop window 2 men are attached to a table with a rotor blades in front of them, above them is suspend a girl, the puppet Billy comes out and informs them that they can choose to save themselves or they can fight and the winner gets the girl who has used them both, they have a minute to decide, they fight but when the girl contradicts herself by telling who is winning at any moment she loves them they decide she should die and she does with her intestines getting thrown all over the room.

We then go to Det.Hoffman escaping from Jill's (Jigsaw's wife) trap he chases her but she escapes and goes to Gibson an internal affairs and tells him that she has proof that Hoffman is Jigsaws apprentice and she says she will tell all for immunity, We then cut to another trap 4 skinheads are told because if their intolerance they need to prove their worth they fail the task and all die with a car shooting out of the warehouse and exploding.

Bobby Dagen  is a self help guru and has done a TV interview about being a Jigsaw survivor and informs that he is meeting other survivors of Jigsaw, he has a secret however he lied about being a survivor whilst at the meeting he talks to others about their experiences and is ironically clapped by DR.Gordon.

Hoffman knows that Jill is helping Gibson and sends him a series of clues to his location and makes an offer to stop the killings forever if he gives his Jill, We then Cut to Bobby in a warehouse and so let the games begin !!.

It finishes the series just right it ties up all the remaining loose ends, what happens to Jill, will Hoffman get caught and the rounding off a twist that the saw geeks like me knew was coming !!.

Jurassic Park Trilogy

Watched over the course of a Saturday Evening on a whim.

Jurassic Park

So we have the original and the best of the bunch, John Hammond a man with my opinion with to much money and time on his hands pays some scientists to create some dinosaurs from the blood taken from a prehistoric mayfly that sucked the blood of a dinosaur, he invites some of the best paleontologists in the world to get their opinion of his creations and Dr.Malcolm who is a chaos theorist (I don't know either), and of course you have the obligatory cute children in the film (This is a Speilberg film after all), Hammond sends them all on a tour of a park and that's when the fun starts thanks to disgruntled employee Dennis who wants more money, he hacks the system so he can get out some dino dna out to a rival company, the system locks out and the dinosaurs get free.

It is cliched this film but I ignore that because of the awesome special effects, all the parts are attacked well, especially Jeff Goldblum's role as Dr.Malcolm, but then doesn't he do geek well in films !!

The Lost Word: Jurassic Park

John Hammond has lost control of his company he asks Dr.Malcolm to meet him and tells him of site B, a Island full of dinosaurs who have appeared to flourished without the human intervention, his nephew who took over the company wants to try and reestablish Jurassic park, Hammond doesn't so sends Malcolm and a team to stop them.

This is basically the same film on a island with 2 sets of people with different ideas on dinosaurs, the ones who want them as a sideshow attraction and the ones who want to leave the 30 foot killing machines alone, guess what side I am on !!

In my opinion its a film that got made because people wanted a sequel and if like me you like dinosaurs munching on folk then enjoy, if its a new story-line you want then be prepared to be disappointed, on plus side the ending is pretty cool.

Jurassic Park III

A divorced couples son goes missing after a paragliding accident and tempt Dr.Grant ( a paleontologist from the first film) by lying to him with the promise of a huge cheque that they want to see the site B island, the island where their son has gone missing, he is reluctant at first but agree's, when they touchdown on the island their true intentions are revealed, then once again we have people running from dinosaurs whilst trying to find a small child.

This film seems forced and rushed, it seems that making money for the franchise is much more important than a story because the base story for all 3 films is the same, human see dinosaurs think they are great, human then see a dinosaur chasing them and then run, the positive for me in this film is the more concentration placed on the raptor dinosaurs and if like me in the 2nd film you like the dinosaur munchy side then you are fine but once again a repetitive story-line.


Not the worst trilogy in the world but certainly not the best, in my little humble opinion if they had just left it at one film it would have gone down as a cult classic and because of the sequels it wont, and lets bare in mind Spielberg did that with another classic and killed it with sequels can you guess the name of that one ?

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter

Any film with a title like this deserves a watch.

What if Abraham Lincoln hadn't seen his mother killed a vampire, what if that the American civil war was actually about vampirism more than it was about slavery ? this is what this film tells us.

A young Abraham Lincoln is watching his father at work, he see's his friend being beaten by the owner of the company his father works and intervenes, then the owner turns his attention to the young Abe and his father interferes and is told because of his interference is fired and is told he must pay back all monies owed to him, he responds by saying he will pay back nothing, later that evening Jack Barts (the owner) sneaks into the Lincolns home and silently attacks his mother she dies in the attack.

Lincoln enter adulthood with one thing on his mind, vengeance, he gets drunk and sets out to kill Barts, however Barts easily overpowers despite being clearly shot in the eye, Lincoln is then rescued by a stranger, he comes round in a strange bed and finds Henry Sturges who explains to him about the existence of Vampires, he offers to train Lincoln into a Vampire Hunter which he accepts, during his training he tells Lincoln of the main Vampires in America one that the most of the vampires are descended from, Adam and his sister Vadoma, after his training he goes back to kill Barts and is successful.

Lincoln then moves to Springfield where he forms friendships and a romantic attachment with Mary Todd, during a visit to Springfield it is revealed that Henry is a Vampire but hates other vampires as they killed his wife and child but as he is a vampire cant kill other vampires and that only the living can kill the dead.

As the film progresses Abraham puts down his Axe and realizes that the best form of action is political and that the only reason slavery exists is because its gives Vampires direct access to easy blood and hence the civil war starts.

To be honest I could go on forever reviewing this film as there is a lot to talk about, this is not a bad a thing as the film follows pretty well, but this film is "out there" but the idea that is linked into the civil war is brilliant.

Monday, 29 October 2012

Hellraiser - Hellworld

Part 8 of the franchise, I must be mental.

Yes I am mental, the story line is quite clearly adapted to fit Hellraiser  It is obvious to me that this film was meant to be something else and they fitted in the cenobites around the story line.

It starts with a group of friends at a funeral, a friend has died because of obsession with Hellraiser and cenobites they all blame themselves for not preventing his death, 2 years later they go onto a website to try a win a challenge to go to a Hellraiser party, which unsurprisingly they all win entry too.

When they get to the party they are greeted by the host (Lance Henriksen), he shows them around the building which was designed by Larmarchand (puzzle box designer) and tells them about the terrifying history of the building as that it was a mental asylum run by a Nun of all people.

Anyways the party gets into full effect and the group of friends start to get slowly picked off by either the host or various cenobites.

The only redeeming quality about this film is the ending as it offers a unusual ending but that also relegates the involvement of the cenobites during the film and that is annoying because isn't part of the film title called Hellraiser !, and the cenobite presence in the film must only a couple of minutes at the most, also I cant believe Lance Henriksen saw the script for this and thought "yeah this looks good !", c'mon fella you where bishop in Aliens.

You have to wonder what Clive Barker thinks of what they have done to his beautiful creation, no wonder he has distanced himself from these I would have too.


Heard a lot of good things about this and was not disappointed.

A family move to a new house and immediately notice strange things happening, one night one of the children Dalton hears something in the attic and goes to investigate he falls on some steps and bangs his head, his parents hear his scream and rush to him, he appears fine and they put him to bed as normal, in the morning he gets called for breakfast but doesn't respond, he gets rushed to hospital and the parents are told he is in a unexplained coma.

A little while later Dalton gets moved back home whilst still in his coma, his mother Renai starts believing the house is haunted, she confronts Husband Josh about this and he agrees to move home again to please his wife, however in the new home the paranormal events carry on occurring and getting more realistic and violent, Josh's Mother learns of this and contacts a friend who specialises in paranormal phenomenon, as she investigates she see's a dark evil presence in Dalton's Room.

It is then explained to the parent's that Dalton can astral project and that he inherited this ability off his father and why he scared of his picture being taken, because as a child, a spirit attached herself to him and tried to use his astral projection to enter the human world and that is why spirits are surrounding Dalton's body as they too are trying to use him to gain entry to the human world but the main worry is dark evil presence that was spotted in his bedroom, is keeping Dalton's spirit hostage and that's why he can't wake from his coma.

So cue the ending where Josh has to astral project and rescue his son.

A wonderful film, a true mind screwer and works that angle so beautifully, it is so well acted and the twists in the film do not disappoint, so if you discover this film enjoy it, it proves that sometimes a horror film doesn't need gore to be successful, and the ending is not what you expect at all.

Sunday, 28 October 2012

Beneath the Planet of the Apes

I got the saga on a DVD box-set so the sequel was always going to be watched.

So it carries on exactly from a first one with Nova and Taylor on a horse, Taylor goes exploring and just literally vanishes out of thin air, leaving Nova wandering upon the horse on her own, In other place another spaceship has crashed this one was sent to find Taylor and his crew and like Taylor when he gets there he believes he has landed on another planet, Brent bumps into Nova and notices Taylor's dog tags being worn by Nova and tries to asks her questions but with Nova being mute she cant respond. Hoping his friend is still alive he rides with Nova and encounters the Ape city, he observes the Apes aggressive nature and attempts to flee with Nova but is Injured by a soldier but  they find Zira and Cornelius where they talk about Taylor, They hide however when Dr. Zaius arrives and tells them about the upcoming invasion of the forbidden zone.

Brent and Nova eventually escape the city after getting captured, they hide in cave which Brent discovers is actually they entrance of a New York subway and realizes he is on earth, whilst exploring the cave his mind hears voices telling him to kill Nova he fails in this and encounters a group of telepathic humans who worship a nuclear bomb which they call a divine bomb, they interrogate him and learn the apes are marching on an the forbidden zone and plan to detonate it if they need to.

Brent is separated from Nova and is placed in a cell with Taylor, where they try to escape, and this sets up the ending.

I didn't really enjoy this film, I found it long and drawn out and also found the plot ridiculously complicated, I feel it could have been a lot easier and simplier and also feel Charlton Heston did this film probably because he was contracted to and didn't want to hence the lack of screen time.

Saturday, 27 October 2012

Planet of the Apes

The original Charlton Heston classic.

A team of human space explorers land an a planet, the planet seems desolate but habitable, they explore their environment and find other humans, they seem like cavemen compared to them, then a hunt occurs after a hunt the humans and Taylor (the astronaut) are captured by what appears to be intelligent apes, humans on this world are mute and primitive and as he has been injured during the hunt he is unable to communicate to the speaking apes that he is intelligent as they are.

When they get back to the ape city, the ape scientists take an interest in Taylor, he tries to communicate with the scientist Zira who is convinced he is intelligent as he mimic's her actions, this pleases her and decides to put him in a partner a female called Nova.

Later Taylor steals some pen and paper from Zira and this convinces her of his intelligence, Zira enlists her partner Cornelius to help and with written communication he tells Zira and Cornelius where he came from, then Cornelius's boss a Dr. Zaius as learns of Taylor's intelligence but thinks this as some sort of sideshow mimicked intelligence and orders him to be castrated, Taylor tries to escape and during the escape speaks uttering the films probably most famous lines.

The Apes then have cause to take Taylor seriously but refuse to believe his stories of space travel and threaten to labotomize him, he tells them of others that came with him but he later finds one was killed and the other has been labotomized.

Taylor with help from Zira and Cornellious and other apes that believe in fair treatment for humans manages to escape taking Nova with him and also kidnap Dr. Zaius building up for a dramatic ending.

The film is a stone cold classic, and is filled with many memorable scene's but tends to drag in places and for me has too much plot build up in places.

Thursday, 25 October 2012


A Tom Hardy film about MMA, go on then.

The film is essentially about 2 brothers and an alcoholic father, who's alcoholism and the death of his wife tore apart the family.

One is a Iraq war veteran the other is a teacher, when the war veteran (Tom Hardy) returns home he causes a sensation when he goes into a gym and whilst sparring with the No.1 contender he dominates and destroy's  him, this goes onto YouTube and goes viral appearing on MMA shows, the other brother is struggling to make ends meet and starts training again in order to appear on local house shows to make some money.

Its also revealed that the brothers love of MMA comes from a father who was a trainer, The elder brother (the teacher) Brendan, finds out that he needs more money as his daughter needs open heart surgery and is struggling to make his mortgage payments and decides to go full pro again, we also get a rockyesque Adrienne type whinge from his wife about him promising not too fight again, so cue a montage of him get better and winning a few fights.

It is announced that a Middleweight tournament is coming and that the best fighters from around the world are fighting in it, Tommy (Tom Hardy) gets contacted and he agrees to participate getting his fathers help as a trainer on the provision he is a trainer and not a father, Brendan also gets in by default as the best fighter in his gym is taken injured, we also get introduced to the unstoppable Russian fighter Koba played by Kurt Angle.

So now you know the basics you can pretty much guess whats coming up, brotherly healing, father realizing he was a prick etc...... and cue a cheesey ending, it's an OK film but there was so much more than could have been done with it and I think that they could have got a proper MMA fighter to play Koba, not an Ex amateur wrestler and current pro one,as they did have some proper MMA fighters during some of fight scenes.

By the way the other half does recommend this as Tom Hardy has beefed up and spends must of his time with next to nothing on.

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

Summer School

A very under-looked 80's teen type film.

The film revolves around slacker gym teacher Freddy Schoop and his gang of miscreant summer school kids, he has to teach summer school in order to retain his job.

The film does fall into nearly every 80's feel good stereotype feel good teen movie, you have the 2 slacker waster friends, the hot student (who the boys all lust after), the air-head with the unrequited crush, the one with a chip on her shoulder who softens and the nerd, but they do the roles very well.

So Mr.Schoop has to get them to pass remedial English or he loses his job, he agree's to grant them one wish in order to get their attention and then cue a lot of inspirational music and montages and funny moments as they have their wishes fulfilled and start to educate themsleves.

It may seem like I am having a downer on the film but I am really not, It is very amusing and the roles are very well played, I am also guessing you don't need me to tell you it also has a happy ending.

Wednesday, 17 October 2012

Escape from Alcatraz

Based on a true story but obviously a lot of Hollywood poetic license was used.

Frank Morris is sent to Alcatraz a man with a genius IQ, he is introduced to the governor who informs him that no has ever escaped from Alcatraz, he is stripped and sent to his cell.

He immediately makes friends of Doc a inmate who likes to paint and Litmus a man who can lay his hands to almost any contraband in the prison, he also makes an enemy of prisoner called Wolf who essentially wants Frank to be his "bitch", Frank defends himself and beats Wolf where they both get sent to isolation, he also makes a friend of a man called "English" a black man sentenced to 2 life sentences for the self defense killings  of 2 white men.

During time in his cell he discovers the concrete around the grill in his cell has softened and starts planning his escape, he also meets a pair of brothers who are escape artists and uses them to help him in his plan and also enlists the help of new cellmate Charlie, they use litmus to get them supplies to aid with their escape which he asks for their desserts in payments, around this time the Governor does a usual inspection of the cells where he discovers Doc's painting of him and the various prison staff he revokes his painting privileges and the next day in wood-shop Doc cuts his fingers off feeling he as nothing left to live for.

The escape plan progresses and it gets very involved with the characters.

 A Well shot and a very enjoyable film.